Four times they fooled House
by Amazon Life
Summary: ... and one they didn't. House wants to find out if Camteen are together, and they don't want him to. Or do they?


**A/N: **Hello, my pretties! How are you doing?

So, this fic was part of a deal I made with Vanamo, which means it's basically dedicated to her. Still, I'm giving you all a Christmas treat. XD I hope you enjoy it. (Please note that this is my practically my first drama-less fic – except for a few drabbles – so I hope it's not too silly. Lol)

Merry Christmas, everyone!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Are you sure? I mean, we barely knew each other, and still he kept tricking us and making remarks about how we were sleeping together..."

"I know, he'll be an ass to us if we do this. Still, he's the responsible for it all, right?"

"Yeah, I guess you might have a point…"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The two female doctors arrived at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital early in the morning of Christmas Eve. Each one had entered the parking lot driving their own car. However, one had waited for the other to park, so that they'd walk to the hospital together. This fact, obviously, didn't go unnoticed by House.

"Wow, my favorite lesbians arriving together! You could've saved gas and come in only one car, since you obviously came from the same place. Thirteen's bed, I mean. Don't you care about the environment? Global warming?"

Thirteen rolled her eyes at her boss, for what she could only suppose was the umpteenth time. "House, we didn't come from the same place. Cameron came from her house, I came from mine."

"Oh, come on!" The oldest doctor spoke each word exaggeratedly slowly, to make his point. "Do you really want me to believe you don't think she's hot?"

"House, I'm still here!"

"Which makes her answer even more interesting…"

"Ok House, I confess. I think she's hot, I'd do her anytime. Just one little problem there: I actually wanted a threesome this time, but she refused to do it. So I had to look somewhere else. Satisfied?"

The blonde doctor visibly blushed at that statement, and proceeded to the ER before even seeing her former boss' reaction to it. The intern, on the other hand, waited just long enough to see that she had successfully managed to leave her boss speechless, then heading to the elevator before he could reach her.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It was just the beginning of the afternoon, and Cameron was already exhausted. She found it very hard to believe that so many people had waited until the very last minute before Christmas to go see a doctor when they were sick. Seeing that there weren't any urgent cases, the blonde decided she could take a quick break, and headed to the locker room.

Looking around to make sure she was alone, the woman opened her locker and, in a fluid motion, retrieved from it a nicely wrapped package, turning around as fast as she could in the direction of the opposite row of lockers. She was stopped mid-movement, however, as, when she turned around, she was met by her former boss, who had silently lurked inside the room and positioned himself right behind her.

"House! What the hell are you doing here? You scared me!"

"I just came here to witness the unbearable sweetness of one lover trying to surprise the other by breaking into her locker and planting a Christmas gift in there. Also, I'm not sure if you know Thirteen's locker combination, so you might need my help for that…"

"Oh, thank you _so_ much, House!" The sarcasm in the ER attendant's voice was evident. "I don't know how I'd be able to do this without you! Maybe, after I give her this, she'll forgive me for not wanting to do a threesome… actually, if I change my mind and if I tell her you helped me out, she'll even let you be the man!"

The older doctor eyed his formed fellow intently for a few seconds, squeezing his eyes to the point of almost closing, as if that would help him see behind her words. _'There was a time when I cold always read her… What happened to the Cameron I knew?'_

Seeming like he was either satisfied or had given up, the man simply turned around on his tracks and walked out of the room. When he was no longer in sight, Allison finally allowed herself to smirk. Continuing where she had stopped, the doctor proceeded to the locker labeled _'Hadley'_. Entering the code without as much as a second thought, she opened it and placed the package inside, remembering to lock it again afterwards.

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Obviously, the diagnostics team had no new cases on Christmas Eve, having solved one just the day before, and House having stubbornly refused to even consider any new ones. Overtaken by the Christmas spirit, Cuddy had allowed him to indulge for two days.

That was the reason why Remy had spent the whole morning and a good part of the afternoon in the clinic, doing both her clinic hours and her boss's. When the flow of children with runny noses had finally started to diminish, due, mainly, to the quickly approaching evening and consequent family gathering, the brunette decided it was time for her well-earned break.

Heading to the cafeteria, she was fast to notice her boss sitting there with Wilson. The woman ordered a cup of decaf coffee and slowly walked out of the room, making sure House had seen she had been there. Taking the elevator, the intern headed towards the locker room.

Finding her own locker, the brunette opened it as fast as she could, trying her best to hide the package Cameron had placed there earlier. Instead, she took from it another gift-wrapped object, turning around with it in hand. That's when she noticed her boss's presence; the older doctor was standing by the door, resting his shoulder on the wall.

"Well, well, what do we have here? Have you found the present Cameron placed in your locker yet?"

"Present? What, she told you she'd give me her underwear? Damn, she has been promising me that for so long, but I still haven't seen any signs of it. I've just opened my locker, so I couldn't possibly have missed it if it was there, could I?"

House observed his youngest duckling for a moment, before deciding she was telling him the truth. No panties in her locker this time. It didn't change the fact that _she_ had a package in her hands, though.

"What's that? Something spicy to give Cameron? A Mrs. Claus sexy outfit, maybe?"

"House, how many times do I have to tell you that, although I do find Cameron smoking hot, she won't do what I want her to? A girl has urges, you know… I had to move on."

"And still, you are standing in the middle of the locker room, with a gift in hand. How can you explain that?"

Thirteen sighed deeply, trying to convey all her annoyance. "Ok, you know what? I give up. This is for Taub."

House let out a throaty roar of laughter. "Come on, Thirty-one! You can do way better than this."

"You think I'm lying? Fine. I won't send you a picture of it then. It was supposed to be our Christmas gift to you."

At the mention of a possible picture, whatever it could have been, House's interest was immediately captivated. He couldn't help but widening his eyes, which brought a slight smirk to the brunette's lips. This only lasts a second, however, as the man was fast to hide his amusement. "Picture, huh? Why would I be interested in a picture?"

The intern looked inside her boss's blue eyes, pronouncing each word very softly and slowly, trying to make them sink in. "Because Taub has gotten tired of monogamy again… And his wife was in for a little experimenting. And, as I said, I was craving a threesome…" The younger doctor trailed off with a mischievous smile, watching intently as House's jaw dropped at least a few millimeters before he could recompose his uninterested expression.

Again, his eyes surveyed Hadley's, looking for a tell, a hint of what she was really planning with whatever it was she was doing. After a few moments, though, he walked away, heading towards his best (and probably, only) friend's office.

Remy waited until her boss was out of sight. Then, she took a few steps toward the row of lockers in front of hers, easily finding the one labeled _'Cameron'_. Entering the correct combination, the intern placed the package she was holding on top of the locker's other contents, closing it again and walking out of the room.

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"They're not together anymore."

The head of diagnostics stomped into his friend's office, interrupting a phone call. Wilson shot him an annoyed glance, as he told the person on the other side of the line they'd finish their conversation later. He knew better than to ignore House; after all, his office was at risk of being destroyed by an impatient maniac.

"Who aren't together anymore? Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? Damn, they had such a beautiful relationship!"

"Cameron and Thirteen! They're not sleeping together, or in a relationship, or whatever you wanna call what they _aren't_ doing."

"And you know that because…"

"They had stopped contradicting me when I imply that they are. They aren't annoyed at it anymore. They broke up."

"Of course, House. If two people _are_ together and someone asks them about it, the normal reaction is denying it. Thus, when they were denying to be together, that meant that they were. Now that they have stopped denying they are together, it _must_ mean that they broke up. That's a genius explanation, House! How come I've never thought of it before?"

House rolled his eyes at the head of oncology's obvious sarcasm. "When someone else gets Thirteen before you do, don't tell me I didn't warn you she was single, Wilson!"

"I won't, House. I promise. Now, will you please let me get back to the phone call you so gently interrupted?"

The head of diagnostics sighed dramatically, before heading to the door. "Fine, go wish your dying patients a merry Christmas!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Remy Hadley was in the process of dealing with her umpteenth case of common cold of the day, when she felt her pager vibrate. _'Damn, I can't believe we have a case on Christmas Eve! We'll have to spend the whole night and day here… Allison's gonna kill me!'_

Bracing herself for the news, the intern reached for the object inside her lab coat pocket. However, the message was quite different from the one she was expecting to read.

'_Your plan's working. He's buying it.'_

The brunette's expression changed immediately, with her now barely being able to hide the huge grin that was insisting on finding its way to her lips.

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Less than an hour later, Thirteen's pager went off again, this time with much less pleasant news. A car pile-up caused by the ice on the roads made her presence needed in the ER. Getting there as fast as she could, the doctor was surprised to see the room as calm as it could possibly be.

Taking it for a mistake, she was already on her track back to the clinic, when she spotted a certain blonde doctor leaning on the nurses' station, chatting to a few of them. Deciding she could use a few more resting moments, Remy headed that way, resting her elbows on the counter beside Cameron, who turned her back to the nurses in order to face the oncoming doctor.

"Hey… didn't you have a car pile-up to deal with?"

"What? Not that I knew of… and, considering that I'm still the head of this department, I guess that means a lot."

"Someone must've been a bit confused, then. I got paged and asked to rush here…"

"Thad's weird… Anyway, go back to whatever it was that you were doing, and finish it on time for dinner!"

As the brunette turned to walk away, however, her way was blocked by her boss. His right hand was lifted, holding something over their heads.

"Going so soon, Thirteen? I don't think so. You have to kiss your girlfriend before leaving, now that I have mistletoe…"

Allison looked up, seeing the dark green spiky plant. "House, that's not mistletoe."

"And you are not Allison Cameron. Because, as far as I know, she's a brunette straight doctor. And you are clearly a blonde very gay botanic."

Before any of the women had time to answer, a familiar voice coming from the lobby interrupted their conversation.

"House! Why the hell did you cut a branch from our _plastic_ Christmas tree? Isn't it enough to ruin all the hospital's machines?"

Being busted distracted House enough ti give both girls the chance to escape, each one walking towards a different direction and resuming their previous activities.

"Cuddy, you have just ruined best press cover of the most interesting thing to ever happen in this hospital. Are you happy?"

"Not until you glue that piece of plastic you're holding back to the tree in the front hall."

With that, the dean of medicine, too, left House standing n the middle of the ER, looking utterly frustrated.

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At around 8pm, two doctors exited the locker room walking side by side, duly dressed to fight the cold they'd meet once they got outside. Each one carried a purse draped on their shoulders and a wrapped package in one hand. Their other hands were in each other, fingers interlaced, as they strolled along the corridor. Instead of heading to the front door, however, they went towards the diagnostics office.

Finding the room already in the dark, Thirteen entered and went straight to the chair where she had placed her coat that morning, retrieving the garment. Turning around, she was slightly surprised to see that the blonde doctor had followed her into the room and was currently standing very, very close to her; close enough, in fact, for her breath to bring a warm feeling to the intern's skin. Smiling softly, Remy leaned in and placed a light kiss on the lips in front of her.

"Aha! I see the Christmas spirit made you make up with each other. Or was it the gifts? Wait, wasn't the one Cameron's holding meant for Taub? Anyway, I gotcha, you little lesbians!"

The two women turned to the door, seeming surprisingly unfazed by House's entrance.

"No, House. We got you."

"Excuse me?"

"We were never apart, House. I mean, when you first said we were sleeping together, we barely knew each other, but then you bugged us so much that we actually got closer."

"And closer, and closer… Which means you were wrong the whole time. When you thought we were sleeping together, we weren't. When you thought we had broken up, we were actually together. Oh, and we don't need a mistletoe to kiss, either."

The female doctors looked at each other with grins on their faces.

"Aw, those smiles are so sweet that's even disgusting… I'm kinda starting to regret all I said about you being perfect for each other. I might get a cavity if I look at you for too long."

"Merry Christmas for you too, House. Thanks for being… well, your usual annoying self."

The oldest doctor rolled his eyes at his former and current employee, which, hand in hand, walked away for the evening.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Later that night, Remy and Allison sat on the rug by the fireplace at Remy's condo, after having had a simple, yet tasty meal to celebrate Christmas. The taller woman rested her back on the front of the couch, while her girlfriend adjusted herself on her side, resting the blonde head on her shoulder.

"How do you think House is going to react?", Cameron whispered into the intern's neck.

"He's going to try to make our lives a living hell."

"Think we can deal with that?"

"Well, he was already doing that before, wasn't he?", the brunette answered calmly, sensing the anxiety in the other woman's voice and trying to soothe her by gently stroking her hair. "There's only one difference to now."

"And what would that be?"

"The difference between House bugging me because I am with you with my not really being with you and House bugging me because I am with you with my actually being with you."

Seeing the slight confusion on her lover's face, Thirteen clarified her statement. "The difference is _you_."

Closing her eyes, the blonde sighed contently at the answer, allowing her lips to curve upwards. Propping herself up, she kissed her girlfriend's cheek lovingly, before cupping her other cheek and guiding it, making Remy face her.

"Thank you. After the whole rollercoaster I've been through this year, it's practically a miracle to have a happy Christmas."

Not having her lover's skill with expressing her feelings, the brunette simply captured Allison's lips with hers, trying to convey her emotions in the deep kiss they shared. When they parted, both breathless, all she managed to blurt out was "I guess I could say the same."

Cameron knew her partner well enough to notice the effort she was putting on making herself understood emotionally-wise, and beamed at the fact that she was the one being shown her emotional side. Brushing a stray brown lock away from her face, the ER attendant's fingers lingered a bit longer on Remy's cheek, lightly caressing her smooth skin.

"Take your time, there's no need to hurry anything. Just being with you is already enough for me, I don't need you to do or say anything else."

The change in the brunette's mood was obvious as soon as she smiled. "Oh, really? If I had known that before, I would have used that package just to confuse House, without actually caring to put a gift in it…"

"There's a gift inside it? Can I open it now?"

Thirteen laughed at the way Allison had started acting like an anxious kid as soon as the word 'gift' was uttered. The woman was adorable in every single way.

Getting up, the intern retrieved one of the boxes from the table where they had placed them when they came in, and handed it to the blonde.

"Go ahead. I hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will. But hey, a little bird jut whispered in my ear that there's something for you in the other box", Cameron said, winking at her girlfriend.

Grabbing the other box, Thirteen sat back on the floor, holding her lover's gaze for a moment. _'We can actually make this work. _I_ can actually make this work.'_

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, baby."


End file.
